Naughty and Nice.

Easter has always been the time for over-the-top celebration at Mom and Frank’s house in Southern Utah. A dozen or so friends gather together each spring to raise Holy Hell. We had never thought about going down in December, assuming each of the others had their own holiday traditions with friends and family. In 2008, five of us “orphans” decided to head south for Christmas. We’d all pretty much adopted one another as family so why not spend it together this year? 

Christmas Eve found us donning our fuzzy antlers and blinking red noses to go caroling at the homes of some of Mom and Frank’s cohorts. These friends were in ill health or had no family with whom to share the season and needed a bit of comfort and joy. We sang a few carols in what we believed was heavenly harmony—“Let it Snow,” “Still, Still, Still” and ”Angels We Have Heard on High” were a few. At least our audiences thought they ere heavenly—for the egg nog had been flowing freely that night. Each of our stops ended with an angelic version of “Silent Night.” Mom’s friend Ursula was from Germany Jonathan so sang it in German. Ursula wept like a baby and gave us each a plate of sugar cookies to take home. All in all, it was an amazing night that filled many hearts with the spirt of the season—something that until then had been missing.

But a little sweetness goes a long way with my crowd. On Christmas morning, we all awoke and put on our morning clothes then headed into the main house. Jonathan and Josh wore leopard print silk pajamas. Jonathan added a hot pink boa to his. I work pink flannel PJs with little princess kitties on them. The others were just as cute. Mom and Frank wore footies, too. 

We poured our coffee and Bailey’s then started breakfast when we realized that we’d forgotten the orange juice for the mimosas. Since it was Christmas and the neighborhood market was closed, Jonathan and Josh had to drive clear into town to the 7-Eleven in their leopard prints, boas, and hair pointing every which way. They walked up to the register where cashier could only utter a nervous “Merry Christmas” certain that he had just seen a couple of Dickensian apparitions. The ghosts of Christmas glam.

When breakfast was finished, we went straight for the presents. We could barely contain our excitement. We opened them to find they were filled with home-burned CDs, silly novelty items candy treats and lots of booze. Chris even added some porn to his offerings causingmy parents’ eyes to grow wide with Christmas wonder. Santa gave Koko the dog a huge stuffed gorilla which she proceeded to mount and hump with wild abandon. We all laughed with holiday glee. After the gifts were opened, we all sat back and took it all in. The lights, the Bailey’s and mountains of wadded paper. When what to our wondering eyes should appear— Mom’s friend Argene dressed as Santa Claus burst through the door to give us all our Christmas spankings. She new we had been naughty naughty boys. It was a Christmas for the ages and one I’ll never forget. 

God bless us, everyone. And please hurry.