Wiggle, Jiggle and Hobnob

For years, Utah was the Jello Capital of the World—that is, until that pesky Iowa came along and swiped it from right under our high-held noses. In order to reclaim our birthright, Bambara, a local restaurant, staged a Jello sculpting contest to show our devotion to flavored cow hooves.

My creation was a green beehive embedded with dinosaur bones and portraits of modern-day prophets. Perched on top was a mother with a baby cradled in her arms standing amid a showering of sparklers. It won first prize and got a mention in Carolyn Wyman’s book titled “Jello: a Biography.”

Word spread to New York. One day in 2002, I got a call from a producer of NBC’s “Today Show.” They were broadcasting the Salt Lake Winter Olympics from a Park City mountain lodge and doing several spots on local culture. She said that I was considered Utah’s Jello expert and asked if I could create something to present on the show. As I am prone to do in situations like this, I nearly peed.

After a couple of days of pondering, I decided to make a huge Jello torch—a tribute to “The Olympics: Past, Present and Future.” It was made from lemon, orange and strawberry. The “past” depicted photos of various scandals such as Tonya Harding vs. Nancy Kerrigan, Claudine Longet and Spider Sabich and our own Mayor Deedee Corradini and Salt Lake Olympic president Tom Welch. “Present” contained an array of medals embedded inside with the flags of all nations on top. “Future” was a puff of smoke with a few flying tickets to events. I had hoped some goodly benefactor would see the show and gift some to me. I gave it a couple of finishing touches, emptied my fridge to make room for my creation, and sleeplessly waited for morning.

A big black SUV pulled up to my door at 4 a.m. In it, were the producer along with two other women who would be on the show. Call time was that early in order to make the trek up the mountain and be there in time for the viewers on the east coast. 

When we got to the lodge/studio, I was led to the Green Room where I was introduced to the other guests from that day’s show—Donny and Marie Osmond, gold medalist Picabo Street and Governor Mike Leavitt. Bill Cosby was running late since his driver couldn’t find a Starbuck’s at that ungodly hour and 7-Eleven coffee just wouldn’t cut it. While I was waiting for hair and makeup, I tried to watch the broadcast on a little monitor. I craned my neck to see but Marie was blocking my view clenching a piece of bacon.

Finally it was my turn. I was taken downstairs to the makeshift studio in the lobby. I could barely walk due to my legs wobbling in terror. I was introduced to Matt and Katie, then took a deep breath. The cameras started to roll. Bill Cosby had finally shown up and hogged most of our segment with his “roly-eyed num num” shtick. The crew all laughed in amusement like it was all new to them. When they got to my sculpture, Bill reached over to take a piece of Jello from the top of its flame to pop into his mouth. What he didn’t notice was that one of my hairs was dancing on top of it. I didn’t have the time or nerve to stop him and in it went. He gagged a bit. Num num, indeed.

So that was my claim to fame. A few short minutes shaking like a Jello cube on national TV. Not knowing what to do with the sculpture afterward, I placed it for posterity on a bookshelf when no one was looking. It’s probably still there. Cow hooves have a very long shelf life.